He's not here. Hasn't been here for a while now.
I woke up feeling.... what? Nervous?
Not sure.
Sometimes all I can think is "Is this our life? Really. Seriously?"
Rudy is in a completely different state, two driving days away from me.
I over think the things that could go wrong.
Earthquakes.
Tornados.
Injuries.
Illness.
If something dramatic happens we won't be together, by each others side. Partners. Best friends. Looking out for each other.
I have to talk my feelings down. Tell myself not to worry.
But while I am trying to soothe myself the realization that his job is a permanent one sets in. The reality of what that really means.
Per-ma-nent!
There are no plans for him to return, to live here. Or me there.
I have to remind myself that we are currently trying to get back-on-track. Financially. That is our goal. And only Arkansas came through for him. Gave him a chance to succeed.
No one else did.
He only had the one choice.
The choice he needed to take.
Make it work.
For us.
We tell each other to think by the day. By the year.
We've done the year apart before. We can handle 365 days.
We know that one year is definitely a long time. A long time that goes by so fast.
Rudy has been living there, working there, for nine months. Nine fast-paced months.
Sometimes my reflections cause me to feel strangely nervous. Unsure.
I remind myself to find that place within; that place that knows what Rudy and I have chosen to do is right. Right for us. This is our path. Our life.
One day at a time. One year at a time.
