Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Dangerous, Not-So-Perfect Life


"I want us to be together... but, I want to separate for a while so that I can date other women while I am here," he quickly stated.

"Okay." she calmly said.

She suddenly woke from her what the heck dream thinking maybe her earlier remarks to him oh by the way that she would like him to divulge his complete thoughts to her - "just so we're on the same page, you know."

Maybe not.

He was still in Honduras. Still working. The dream crept into her sleep-deprived don't bother me mind.

Later that day, she received a perfectly timed email from him. "Just thinking about you and want to tell you how much I love you. How much I miss you."


Days went by. She had her good days, I feel organized. She had her not-so-good days. She had no choice but to hold it all together, feeling frustrated being thrust into the role of single parent. He had his good days. Working, hanging out with new friends, and family. He had his not-so-good days. He missed them.

After reading her husband's email her young son surprised her with a compliment... more importantly, he was protecting his parent's relationship. She was getting ready nothing much to prim for to take her wise child to baseball practice. The boy was lying on her bed watching her. She brushed her hair.

"Don't make yourself look too good," he said.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You don't want to be hot, for other guys to check you out." he stated, so sure of his role as mom caretaker.
"Oh, I have a man," she responded confidently.
"Yeah, he's my dad!"

So sweet.

About two weeks before feeling the love from two of the men in her life, she had mentioned to her husband that she would like to visit him, with the kids, for a long weekend. He didn't think it would be a good idea because he was newly employed, that it seemed unprofessional to ask for a day off. She and the kids would be very tired anyway, with the long one-stop flight. "It just doesn't seem worth it," he carefully said.

That particular weekend, the one she had been talking about, was upon them; no plans for travel. In the end she agreed it best to wait. Fine. They will plan for another time.

Wednesday evening, before the weekend, he excitedly called her saying his good friend from high school was in Honduras visiting; the friend was in 2 hours away Tela. Her husband was planning to leave work early on Friday, drive to the town where he lived as a teenager, and hang out party! with his friend. Yea! for him. But.... did he just dis her? For real?

Doesn't that mean he just accommodated a friend, and not his family?! She was livid! She was disappointed. She exploded on the phone that evening, telling him how wrong it seemed that he discouraged her visit yet embraced a friend's. She cried. Said she was being taken for granted. All he could do was listen while she vented her frustration.

He called again, later that evening, apologizing. And sent her an email to cement the fact he was sorry. His introduction hey and the closing talk to you later were a bit abrupt, his anger still evident. She sensed he was tortured enough. Accepted his apology.

Almost a month later, while she was watching baseball practice, she informed another parent I haven't seen your husband around... that he was living in Honduras. She just wanted to cry. Cry right there on those grassy sidelines. Cry about their situation. He should be there; sports with his sports-minded kid. She didn't cry, though. She held strong.

All they could do was talk, talk about their feelings, about the stress living apart causes.
She sent him an email....

Her distant husband and she might live a dangerous life, a we hope it all works out life. But it's their life, their unperfect life.


  1. Daphne,

    This is a very touching heart to heart post you have shared with us. The struggle to maintain a relationship which has become comfortable face-to-face, yet foreign from a distance are clearly a "dangerous" set of circumstances for most people. There are many reasons why people might be further apart than they wish to be physically (military, work, medical, education, etc...) for periods of time, I cannot think of any I have known that found it easy, but I have seen many make it work for them. Your bravery, Rudi's bravery, both make it possible to succeed, even from a distance. The love you two share with one another, and common goal for the family are wonderful ribbons that tie the strands of life together, near or far. Nice that you are able to keep the possibility of ending the distance open, not all people in that situation can.

    Wonderful post!

  2. nicely said, k. thanks for the positive remarks.