Tuesday, December 27, 2011

word purge

The timer is set. Once I press the start button, I must write. For 15 minutes. Just write. Word purge. Whatever comes to mind. Just say it. No holding back.....

(Contribution to GBE2)

well here it is. early. or late. i guess 8:47am is late by my standards. but i am on vacation. for two weeks. for some down time. i received rudy's early morning text. 4:29am. it woke me. i read it. rolled over and went back to sleep. now i am thinking about him. our situation. how odd life is. i would never have guessed this life for us. although i must remind myself we have done this before. when he lived in honduras for a year. working. same thing. anyway. i miss him. here. with me. as part of the family. so many things happen. daily. that he misses out on. when i was visiting him this past november we had that exact conversation. missing the small stuff. how we just need to bare with it. think positive. everything will eventually work out. i am here in california. in a house i love. we love. a home. a stable environment. where the kids are happily comfortable. that is important to me. to rudy. rudy is in arkansas. in a small duplex. he has made it his place. it's surrounded by a golf course and tall trees. lovely. i know. but it is there. i am not ready for there. and rudy needs to be there. for a job. a job that makes him smile. a job that has brought back his feeling of contributing to our family. a job so far away. but, we both are committed to making this relationship work. we will. that i don't doubt. in the long run. or maybe it will be the short run. who knows. right now i am here. i need to continue working. both because i enjoy teaching and because financially a double income is necessary.

the weather in arkansas is similar to california. according to rudy the sun is shining yet, it's chilly. same here.

the boys are alseep, in their beds. liz is traveling around texas with her boyfriend and his family. she's texted. she's having fun. that makes me happy. knowing she is enjoying herself with someone she loves. someone who loves her. and a family that has embraced her. enjoys her company. roberto will be up soon. off to work. one job. then another. he's relentless. young. enjoying all the money that lands in his pocket. brad seems to have plans to go to knott's berry farm today? hm. so he says. his friend invited him. not sure what time. but it is getting late for amusement park time. i'm letting him sleep. see what happens.

the room i am sitting in is full of sunshine. blasting through the windows. awesome. i enjoy it. yet, it is interrupting my eyes. blinding the computer screen. the room is still decorated with stockings and other christmas paraphernalia and the tree continues to stare into the house. today may be the day to take it all down.

i plan to call rudy in a bit. he is at work. so since i have time off i can call him anytime. and just say hello. i love you. when i am at work. calling him isn't so easy. with a classroom full of kids.

i will call in an hour or so.


  1. It must be difficult missing your husband so much... I hope you had a lovely Christmas with your children.

  2. Each time I come here I think about what I would do. I give you kudo's because I would move so quickly even to Arkansas (ick
    Then having said that I do not have children to uproot. And again I think about what I would do. You always make me think Daphne - now just stop it! :-)

  3. This is exactly what I know would come out my free write...It's kinda like talking to yourself out loud which I am famous for. My husband always says, "well, as long as you don't start answering yourself back..." (little does he know, I do)! lol

    Loved your randomness!

  4. The randomness, the continuing flow, the randomness that isn't really completely random, THIS is exactly what is supposed to come of this exercise. You did this perfectly.

    I so admire the way that your family is very much a connected, cohesive unit, despite the geographical distance. That's a testament to the love that you share, as well as the character of the individuals.

  5. Nice job purging. I like the Sunshine blasting through. Yummy words. Great job.

  6. Love the outflow of words. Must be hard being so far apart thank goodness for technology. Admire your commitment to each other and our family. We all do what we have to do!

  7. You are so awesome. It is amazing how you make a less than ideal situation seem almost normal. And the fact that this isn't the first time you and your husband have been apart is a great testament to the strong bond of love that exists in your family. Love your outpouring of emotion. Well done!

  8. Daphne, you are a heart writer. Sometimes I save your post for last, so I can savor the content.

  9. Rudy, you... the kids... all blessed with intangible strings that tie the hearts together in a bond people dream of. Successful... cohesive... blessed... Beautiful beginnings will come of the time spent apart, but I long for you... all of you... to close the gap, in ways that will allow all things to flourish.

  10. I usually do my word purging with an ink pen and paper, sort of like journaling, I suppose. I don't know why; it just makes me feel relieved to see my awful handwriting. Cheers!

  11. ah. thank you everyone... it turns out purging is a good thing. interestingly, i have had my students do this.. just write until the timer goes off.. just to see what they come up with... i have never done this myself...

    thank you, charis... our holiday was very nice...
    linda, i talk back to myself too... makes everything make sense..
    elizabeth... yay! perfect coming from you is perfect!
    anna, it is the commitment that makes it so much easier..
    kat, that's all we can do, perceive everything as normal..
    kelly, you've warm my heart with your comment, thank you so much..
    thanks k. your thoughts, i am sure, will help to bring it all together...
    bryan? or brandon?... or both? cheers to you...

  12. when i read about the sunshine blasting in i looked at your picture and thought, "bet that's the place" where she writes. DANG WOMAN, don't know how you do it, God graces you for each situation...how old are your students? So glad you can keep busy !!

  13. I can't even imagine how hard your life must be. You are a very brave woman.

    I just started following you

  14. Your thoughts flow in a very organized manner -- if I did this, it would be a jumble! :)

  15. Calling him at work with a classroom full of kids? I bet you don't even have time to use the bathroom.


  16. yeah, brenda.. you know.. you just do what you gotta do... LOL
    caise.... for me, life is so much easier when i don't complain, rather i adjust. adapt. (as my mom would say)
    hi nancy... it was a strange write... fun to see what i produced... everything that is on my mind!..
    yeah, joyce, calling during classtime doesn't make sense, nor is it professional.... but sense i am on vacation from the classroom i can call anytime i please.. woo!

  17. I agree with your friend Gene Pool Diva ~ you are a heart writer! I love reading your posts, you have such a way with words...

    And I feel for you too, being apart from your husband like this...I may be single, but I'm sure if I was married, I would find it hard to have my partner away from me...I admire you xx

  18. Remember how I talked about naked Jane time? This was sorta like naked Daphne time (hee hee). You let yourself be in a space where it's just you, your energy, your thoughts, flowing out like breath. Thank you for sharing this! It was wonderful!

  19. I feel like I just evesdropped on thoughts. This all flowed so effortlessly. Wonderful entry, particularly when you consider that the subject matter is far from effortless.