self

I learned early on, without being told, that I had to look out for myself. To be independent. That somehow I knew that if I wanted to get anything done, I had to do it, without help.

I was the tenth child born into my family, so my arrival was most likely nothing too exciting for my nine brothers and my teenage sister, who most likely had other things on their minds; something else besides another baby in the house.

As I grew, I learned that anything I hoped for had to happen because I wanted it to occur.

I remember being young, but old enough to ride a bike out on the street, in front of the house. One day, I experienced my first flat tire, and wasn't sure what to do about it. None of my brothers was around to help, or just didn't feel like it, so I searched high and low, looking for a patch kit to repair the inner tube. Right there, in that garage of ours, and using my common sense, I managed to unscrew the tire, releasing it from the forks. I was able to pry the tire away from the metal rim by using a flathead screwdriver, pull out the tube, fill it with air, dip it into a container of water, and look for bubbles. I then patched the hole, returned the tube to the inside of the tire, secured it to the rim, and filled the patched tube with air. The tire was bolted back onto the bike's frame and I rode off, proud of myself for accomplishing something I knew nothing about. And feeling very independent, realizing I didn't need anyone's help, with anything. That I was very capable of getting things done, independently.

I felt my independence deepen, which affected the way I molded my life, when I found my first job, at age 16. Like any young kid wanting to work, I wanted my own money to spend the way I chose. But, more so, I assumed I must have been a financial burden to my parents, and I wanted to ease any stress they may had been feeling, having to find extra cash for this or that.

Well, all this independence brings me to my present day, and my situation with Rudy, my distant husband. Many people have commented how strong I am, how stoic, and just don't know how I do it; living without him. And all I can say, is that my independence plays a big role in how I am managing. I am, as Rudy is, simply able to get things done. Capably. And, especially, independently.