He's not here. Hasn't been here for a while now.
I woke up feeling.... what? Nervous?
Not sure.
Sometimes all I can think is "Is this our life? Really. Seriously?"
Rudy is in a completely different state, two driving days away from me.
I over think the things that could go wrong.
Earthquakes.
Tornados.
Injuries.
Illness.
If something dramatic happens we won't be together, by each others side. Partners. Best friends. Looking out for each other.
I have to talk my feelings down. Tell myself not to worry.
But while I am trying to soothe myself the realization that his job is a permanent one sets in. The reality of what that really means.
Per-ma-nent!
There are no plans for him to return, to live here. Or me there.
I have to remind myself that we are currently trying to get back-on-track. Financially. That is our goal. And only Arkansas came through for him. Gave him a chance to succeed.
No one else did.
He only had the one choice.
The choice he needed to take.
Make it work.
For us.
We tell each other to think by the day. By the year.
We've done the year apart before. We can handle 365 days.
We know that one year is definitely a long time. A long time that goes by so fast.
Rudy has been living there, working there, for nine months. Nine fast-paced months.
Sometimes my reflections cause me to feel strangely nervous. Unsure.
I remind myself to find that place within; that place that knows what Rudy and I have chosen to do is right. Right for us. This is our path. Our life.
One day at a time. One year at a time.
Wow, you are much stronger than I could ever be. I wouldn't last a month, let alone the possibilty of a year apart from my hubby. You have loads of talent, may be opportunity will show itself soon.
ReplyDeleteI will keep you in my prayers :)
How difficult that must be. I can only imagine. But it sounds like you made a sound decision for your family together even if you can't be physically together right now. That's what good partners do.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by my blog.
P.S. Truly, the next best thing to having a husband nearby is having a cat nearby ; )
Your strength shows in your writing and I suspect vanyelmoon is right about possibilities.
ReplyDeleteWho knows what you'll be when you grow up or the places that you and Rudy might share.
Hang in there and come visit us when you're a bit blue.
Lovely pic!
I haven't been reading long so I don't know the reasons why and how but I hope this isn't really permenant and that you can move together soon.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is moving on this topic. I feel your pain. I hope it all comes to great resolution for you all very soon.
I admire your strength and know you can make it work. Your ability to share your fears and struggles so openly shows just how strong you really are. You are dealing with your situation head on. Thanks for allowing us into your world and please know we are all here for you.
ReplyDeletevanyelmoon... strength is the key. Opportunity? I am aligning my thoughts with the universe...
ReplyDeletemom.... definitely a family decision.. makes a difference in how we are handling our situation.. and our new kitties... the kids and i are constantly smiling.. what a great addition!..
gene.. thanks.. the picture really does depict rudy and i.. our relationship.. how we like each other... where are you?... i'll stop by...
peg... the economy has sent rudy elsewhere after being laid off from a lifelong career... we are being patient with our situation...
kat... thanks for reading.. and the compliments... head on is the way to go, for sure..
"If something dramatic happens we won't be together, by each others side. Partners. Best friends. Looking out for each other."
ReplyDeleteBut, you're not together and have no plans to be together, from your own admission.
I could not and would not live this way, with no immediate plans to get the family back together again. Money isn't everything. Family is.
hi nancy.. makes one think, right? .. no we are not together physically, but definitely as two people trying to make the best of a 'too bad it had to happen this way' situation.... I agree, money ISN'T everything and that is definitely NOT our goal... we live a very simplistic lifestyle.. family IS everything.. to both of us... by getting on track financially, i mean paying 'regular' bills, not the desire for extravagance...
ReplyDeletewe will work this out.. that we know for sure....
You are doing a fabulous job. How wonderful that you still have each other - despite the distance. And thank goodness you have this space to help you process your thoughts. xx
ReplyDelete