Saturday, November 12, 2011

Are You Pregnant?

Four brothers didn't show up to my marriage ceremony.
One apparently had laundry to do.
One just didn't feel like it.
One was deceased.
One was nowhere to be found.

"Are you pregnant?" one brother asked.
"No," I stated. I lowered my head. Felt intimidated. Yet, I knew I was making the right decision. For me.
We were in the backyard of the home I lived in with our parents. The home we grew up in. He was wondering why I accepted Rudy's request to marry him.
"Does he need a green card?" he continued to question me.
"No." I felt mad, but didn't say anything. I simply wondered why my getting married wasn't a happy thing, like for most girls.
He walked away. So did I.

The very first time Rudy was going to come to my house, to pick me up for a date, I couldn't stop telling him about how great my dad was. How intelligent. Someone I admired. Loved tremendously.
Rudy knocked on the front door. I opened it wide, inviting him in.
"Dad, this is Rudy," I said with a smile.
Rudy stuck out his hand, ready to shake the hand of the man I adored.
My dad looked at the firm handshake-able hand.
He turned and walked away without acknowledging Rudy. No words. Nothing. I was embarrassed. Speechless. Mostly upset. It didn't make sense. My dad was such a kind person. It was uncharacteristic of him.
Rudy and I left.
He felt bad. Defeated.

Later. About a year or so later, I walked into the house wearing the engagement ring Rudy had placed on my left ring finger. I walked directly to my mom. Stuck out my hand. Let her see the ring. She held my hand. Didn't say a word.
Tears dribbled down my cheeks.
"Why are you crying?" she asked me.
"I just want you to be happy for me. The way I am happy for myself," I cried.
"I just hope you aren't marrying him because he wants you to. Making you feel like you have no choice," she admitted.
Being a quiet, shy person the assumption was I had no mind of my own. Couldn't decide things without help. When in fact I knew exactly what I was doing. Knew how happy I felt. Knew our decision was the right one. For us. Knowing that is what mattered. What was right for us.
My mom didn't know what else to say. Neither did I.

About three months later, Rudy and I were to marry. The ceremony was going to be a small immediate family only gathering. A few family members still had reservations about our nuptials. Including my parents. They still weren't sure I was making a decision for me or if I was being pushed.
I was upstairs, with my bridesmaid, waiting to hear the piano player begin the wedding march. More importantly, though, I was wondering if my parents were going to be there. For me. They had never committed to attending. Yet, I hoped it was going to be my dad that would walk me to Rudy.
Five minutes before our I Do's a strand of pearls, from my parents, was given to me. Tears welled up in my eyes. "They're here," I whispered to my friend. She placed them around my neck.
The music started. I walked down the stairs. My dad was waiting. He held out his hand. I squeezed it. My mom was sitting in the front row. Rudy stood there. Smiling.

"I feel very happy seeing you two." my mom said, "I now know you are in this together. It's not one-sided. You both look happy, in love."
I hugged her. Kissed her. Smiled.


  1. Your emotion came through this so well D~ A moment shared so many years ago, still treasured to this day is a wonderful gift for all of you. This was a great read m'Friend!

  2. why thank you, K.... i hope you are doing good.

  3. I love this mom. I love this.

  4. This my first time reading your blog and all I can say about it is...beautiful!!! <3

  5. Tears in my eyes what a beautiful post, just found your lovely blog I have enjoyed getting to know you more am now following, if you get a spare minute come visit and follow me love finding new friends. hope you have a wondeful weekend.

    Always Wendy

  6. Thanks Wendy. Glad you stopped by.

  7. You express your feelings so well through your words, it is like we are right inside your heart sometimes! I love reading your posts, and really felt for you in this one...I'm so glad your parents did mae it to your wedding, and that they accepted your decision to marry :o)

  8. This was sad and beautiful all at the same time.

  9. In the end, my family thinks Rudy is awesome. Perfect for me. Rudy and I still are great friends, and have never waived in our decision to unite.

    chantell, thanks. wow, so kind. makes me want to keep posting.
    peg, thanks for the great compliment, truly, to make something sad and beautiful at once... aahh.

  10. That's beautiful. So well written.

  11. Thank you Paps. Thank goodness the story happened long ago.

  12. So poignant, but you knew what Rudy meant to you, would always mean to you. So many of us chicken out of life from time to time.

  13. I've always followed gut. Works every time. Thanks for the compliment Kelly.

  14. There's alot of truth in your writing. It's hard to read sometimes, but it's real. :)

  15. yes, full of truth.. nancy... i will have to reflect on the 'hard to read' comment....

  16. Daph...BAUTIFUL! This blog is an inspiration ! (My husband travels a lot...because of work..and we miss him )...some people think I should be used to HIM traveling... I DON´T THINK SO !
    I´m sorry to be here until now... but It´s been such a hard year....with my mother being sick.
    Thanks for your thoughts and prayers for all of us and my Mom.
    I´ve learned so much from her: She was a strong woman .... until the end . She left me all her knowledge, beautiful memories and her unconditional love.
    It is hard when you live away from the rest of the family ...but God is giving me the strength to go on and I thank Him for giving me such wonderful kids and husband.
    Nana Vilma ..I cannot describe how thankful I am with her. She was there ..taking care of my mom..praying with her..laughing, crying ..she was her companion. She is unbelievable! ...Always there. Strong .
    Gracias Tio Rodolfo ...por Nana Vilma, "mi Nana Vilma " nos la robamos por varios meses...y cuidó a mi mama como su Hija !
    A big hug for you two and your kids.
    Even if i´m away ...u are always in my thoughts and prayers.

  17. That is an incredible story. Thank you for sharing that it was heartwarming and authentic. And I really get what you are made of girl!

    Jeanine Buchanan

  18. What a good story, I'm so happy it had a great ending, I was kinda holding my breath. By the way, I feel that the only brother whom had an excuse for not attending your wedding was the deceased one. Family time is the most important time!

    1. thanks, tia. yes, i agree. not sure why my brothers chose that day to prove something...

  19. I love your story but I have so many questions. Why didn't they like him? Were you really young? Is he older? From a different part of town? Why the issues? Where is his head in that photo?!? Thanks for Rewinding x

  20. i can only guess they didn't like him basically because i am their sister and daughter, and it was some kind of protection mode (we hadn't known each other very long before we married)... and also, possibly, because he was from another country, just visiting the states on a limited visa. we were both 22 years old. old enough. and ready. how funny.. the head? rudy and i are simply leaning over because rice is being thrown at us, for good luck.