reflection

I sent Rudy an early morning text.
From his perspective he thought I was having a hard time.
Reconsidering our choice.
Not so.
I was simply, as a matter-of-fact, stating that time just seems to fly right by. As it always does.
For everyone.
One day your kids are born, the next they are almost ready to graduate from college, or working a lot, making money, or in the midst of pre-teen angst.
A year ago Rudy moved to Arkansas, to work.
A year ago!
Yes, time surely flies.

Rudy called me. Just to see if I was okay. I was.

But what he didn't know is that his call made me emotional. I just wanted to bust out crying, hearing his voice. Yet, I didn't because there was no need.

What we needed was to talk without him worrying about me; and more important, talk without the distraction of me trying to catch my breath. And talk we did. For quite a while. About every day things, and about how he feels connected to me, proud of me, everytime he reads one of my posts.

Rudy knows me. Knows how I am. How sometimes I can be very quiet. Sometimes a bit more talkative. I can be humorous, or have no reaction at all. So when he said he feels my heart in my words, how it seems my thoughts are just dropped onto the page, just writing what I feel about life, that my writing adds a light to me, not new light just a different spin on what he already knows, so warm it meant a lot to me. Because he truly knows me. Knows what I am capable of. Knows my strengths and weaknesses. He said I have brought tears to his eyes, through my writings. He says he's not surprised. Just impressed. Said it made him feel I was just in the next room. There with him.

All these things he was saying to me wanted me to cry more. But I didn't.
My blubbering isn't what we needed at that moment.
We just needed the moment.
To talk together.
To laugh.
To reaffirm what we are doing.
To believe that eventually our lives will fuze once again.
In one place.

In the meantime, these spontaneous conversations between us are just what we need. Conversations that are not forced, rather cherished. Conversations that are not mandatory; rather, enjoyable.

This is how we are approaching our situation. Our relationship.
By believing in ourselves. Our partnership. In each other.
That is what makes living apart work. Keeping us together.
Just talking.
Simple talking.