Friday, February 3, 2012

anger

Rudy and I went through some difficult times, emotionally, during the three years he did not work, after being laid off from a going to retire from this place job. Our days were filled with a constant flow of ups, but mostly downs. We weren't feeling too happy. With each other. With our situation. We argued. A lot. Daily.

One of those days......

I was trying to read. Take my mind off the bad feeling outside my bedroom door.
Yet, my head hurt. From a throbbing headache.

I could hear Rudy walking my way, down the hall, along the wooden floor boards. I was in the bed, under five layers of blankets. In pain. Unhappy.

"Do you need the light on?" he asked. As politely as he could manage.
"Yes!" I said rudely. Bitchlike.
"I just thought you didn't need it," he raised his voice.

I held up the book I was attempting to focus on.
Rudy walked back out the door. Slamming it shut.

I walked out into the kitchen. Feeling I owed him some kind of apology.
Rudy didn't bother to listen to what I had to say.
He walked away.
Into the garage.
Into his man-cave.

My head hurt. More.
I walked. Or stomped back to my bedroom. Mumbling angrily to myself. I crawled back under the blankets in the now no lights on dark room. I sighed. Heavily. Under all that weight.

I could hear Rudy.
Walking my way.
Again.

He opened the door. "The beef stew is done," he told me.
I ignored him. He walked away.
Five minutes later he returned.
He flipped on the light.
With anger.
Stood there. I assumed. I couldn't see him but I could hear him as he grumbled. Made angry sounds.

I did not move.

My head hurt. Badly. And, even though I was under a pile of blankets I felt so cold.

He flipped off the light. Slammed the door, and walked away, for a second time.

Again. I crawled out of my haven. Walked slowly back to the kitchen. To Rudy. "My head hurts. I don't feel well," I told him.
"Everything is falling apart!" he yelled in my direction.
I cried. Uncontrollably.

We yelled. At each other. Until neither of us could take it anymore. I returned to the room. Rudy stomped back into the garage.

My headache only got worse.
I took a deep breath. Found my spot under the blankets. Didn't move.
Not until the next morning.

(contribution for BFF - word prompt: negativity)